Her Determination
by Empress of Ice
Summary: "If you can't use it on me, then use it to kill yourself." That's right. Subaru had told me to use it to end my life if I couldn't use it on him. Question was, could I really kill myself?


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor am I in any way, shape, or form affiliated with "Diabolik Lovers".**

**Author's Note: After seeing episode 11 of the anime, I was compelled to write a short piece from Yui's viewpoint. I don't normally write in first person, so please try to forgive any and all mistakes I make with this point of view. This will contain spoilers for episode 11 and some of what's written is mere speculation based on a few incidents from previous episodes. In any case, I hope you enjoy this one shot (… or would it be more accurate to call it a drabble...?).**

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I helplessly watched as Richter backed Ayato into a corner and stabbed his shoulder with the sword in his hand. I felt my eyes widen as Richter pulled the blade out of Ayato and blood sprayed from the wound then splattered onto the floor. I could hardly believe what I had just witnessed, my mind had trouble processing it. How could an uncle harm his nephew without batting an eyelid?

My attention turned solely to Ayato. He had gotten injured trying to save me. There was so much I wanted to say to him. I wanted to thank him for entering a battle he wasn't sure he could win just to save my life. I wanted to ask him how his wound was and how long it would take for him to heal. Most importantly, I wanted to tell him how I felt about him. I could hardly bear the thought of him dying without knowing my true feelings.

"Ayato, I..."

I hadn't realized how weak Cordelia's control had been until I heard my own voice, not hers, exit my mouth. I felt Richter's grip around my body loosen and I promptly hit his arm away then ran as fast as I could down the nearby staircase. I looked over my shoulder, back at Ayato. His face was a mixture of surprise and relief.

I turned my gaze forward as I grabbed a silver knife from inside one of the gloves that covered my arms. I held the hilt so tightly that I was sure my knuckles were white. I looked down at it, the blade was pointed away from me, as so many thoughts raced through my mind.

What was I hoping to achieve by bringing out the knife? I couldn't stop them from killing each other. A slaughter didn't justify preventing one. Murdering someone wasn't something I could bring myself to do. Not only that, I knew I couldn't end any of their lives. I had grown far too attached to them during my time at their mansion.

Although Shu only ever listened to his music and slept, he was excellent company when I just wanted to sit somewhere in silence. Despite Reiji being a stickler for manners and poisoning me, he wasn't all bad. He hadn't taken Cordelia up on her offer earlier and he had even insulted her! Then there was Laito. Yes, he was rather perverted and him calling me, "Bitch-chan" all the time got on my nerves, but there were times when he was actually amusing. Even though Kanato could easily creep me out, like when he had wanted to make me into a doll, I knew that I'd be unable to kill him. I couldn't even begin to think of ending Ayato's life. He was far too special to me and I doubt I'd be able to live with the guilt. Although I hadn't spoken to Subaru much during my time here, he always did his best to treat my nicely. He had even given me the knife that I currently held. Then there was Richter, whom I only knew through Cordelia's eyes. Even though he had been poised to kill Ayato not even thirty seconds ago, I knew I wouldn't be able to bring myself to murder him.

I couldn't fathom ending any of their lives and it made me nauseous just thinking about it. What do I do?

"_If you can't use it on me, then use it to kill yourself."_

That's right. Subaru had told me to use it to end my life if I couldn't use it on him. Question was, could I really kill myself? Suicide was a thought I had never entertained before. I hadn't considered it any time during my stay here nor when Subaru had told me I could use the knife to end my life.

I was only seventeen, I didn't want to die. There were so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to go to college, get married, and have a family. I wanted to travel the world, learn about different cultures, and try things I'd always been afraid to. I wanted to grow old surrounded by people I loved then, after living a long and happy life, die peacefully due to natural cause. I never thought all the things I wanted would be snatched from me.

Even though I didn't want to die, I knew that it was the only option. I couldn't bring myself to hurt the others. I couldn't stand back and allow them to harm each other either.

My body stopped shaking as my resolve strengthened. I was really going to end my life. There was no way around it.

I raised the knife into the air and turned it so the blade faced my chest.

"This way, no one will get hurt," my voice was small, almost inaudible.

I clenched my eyes shut as I prayed to God, silently asking him to forgive me for what I was about to do. I plunged the knife down into my heart without another thought.

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**Author's Note: Before you get mad at me for glazing over the religious aspect of Yui, please allow me to explain. I am not religious so I have no idea how praying works or, in this case, asking God for forgiveness. I know that Yui is, so I felt that I needed to mention it (even if it was kind of glazed over). I hope I was true to Yui's character and that you enjoyed this one shot!**


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